So I’ve been back in classes for about a month and I’m feeling very ambivalent.
One on hand, I have loved my seminary education and experience and will miss it when it is time to graduate. I have enjoyed the friends I’ve made, the opportunity to learn more and engage issues, and especially the experience of getting to know Jesus better. Let me assure anyone reading that I am coming out of seminary with more questions than I came in with – but I understand that’s typical.
On the other hand, I’m getting a little tired of it. Part of this is the nature of my course load this year: two languages that are beginning to feel tedious, having to commute two hours one way twice a week because that’s the scheduling, and a lot of books to read and papers to write. But the bigger part is probably just plain ol’ Senior- ites.
In High School and College it was just wanting to finish up and get on with one’s life. In law school, the paradigm was: “1st year: scare you to death; 2nd year: work you to death; 3rd year: bore you to death.” That last year of law school was ‘boring’ because by that time you felt you had enough learning the rules of the game, now you wanted to go out and play! For those of us lucky enough to get internships during school, it was actually even a little worse – we’d gotten to play a little bit and now we wanted to play for real!
So I’m coming to the end of my degree program and, I admit it, I’m itching to get out there and see how God will work. Also, like most of my classmates, I’ve had some part-time experience at my church so that makes me even more motivated to dive in head first.
At the same time, there’s anxiety about finding a ministry position. Is there really one out there for me? Will the search committees be able to look past the fact that I don’t look like the typical seminary graduate? Will my first position be affirming of my call to ministry or will it be – otherwise? Can I find a position that can actually support my family? And so forth.
These are going to be interesting days.